A few weeks ago, we started a new series called Reciprocal Influence, where we shared our definition of leadership, which is this:

Leadership is the willingness to influence your world
and the willingness to be influenced by your world,
regardless of your role or title.

Since that post, we provided an Overview with some examples of what influencing and being influenced by, could look like. Then last week, we offered some scripting suggestions for five situations in your Professional Life:

  • Healthy Boundaries
  • New Relationships
  • Uncertain Times
  • Problem-Solving
  • Messy Conversations

Today, we’re suggesting some additional scripting for these same five areas, but this time for your personal life.

Since our post last week, we’ve had some requests to add in more details about which parts of the scripting examples are influence and which parts are influenced by. To support you, we’ve added those notations into each one of our examples.As you read through these suggestions, consider what they could look like in your own life.

Healthy Boundaries

Family members have asked you to help them organize all of the food for a large party. Unbeknownst to them, you’re already overbooked. When you get back to them look for the space between YES and NO.

  • “YES, I’d love to help out AND, I have quite a bit going on right now [influence]. What’s possible to push the party out to a later date [influenced by]?”
  • “NO, I’m not able to help out with this. I’ve got too much on my plate right now [influence]. AND, I’d be happy to have a quick chat to toss around ideas for someone else to take the lead [influenced by].”

New Relationships

You’re going to a networking event, and your natural tendency is to let the other people do all the talking (or maybe vice versa and you do all the talking), and you often leave the events feeling like the conversations were one-sided. Be thoughtful about getting to know the other person and sharing a little bit about yourself too.

  • “What do you love most about the work that you do, and what do you do for fun outside of work [influenced by]? I love being a mentor to my team, and outside of work, I love hiking and coaching my daughter’s soccer team [influence].”
  • “It’s nice to meet you. I’m excited to participate in this network event so that I can meet more people within my industry [influence]. What’s your intention while at this event today [influenced by]?”

Uncertain Times:

As we’ve mentioned in previous posts, our brains aren’t built for uncertainty. Consider being vulnerable about what you’re going through, and curious about what others are going through.

  • “It’s been hard to wait for the medical test results to come back and that’s left me feeling really tired and cranky [influence]. How has this uncertainty affected you, and how can we support each other [influenced by]?”
  • “Things are uncertain in multiple areas of both of our lives these days. What would supporting each other look like [influence and influenced by]?”

Problem-Solving

Similar to our professional lives, when a problem or obstacle arises, it’s a natural tendency for many of us to either get derailed or to go off by ourselves to solve it. To create deeper connections, it’s important to look for opportunities to solve problems, together.

  • “Pam is sick and needs to be picked up from school. I can rearrange some meetings and priorities to get her. It will take a little work so I thought I’d check in with you to see what it would take for you to grab her [influence and influenced by]. Let’s compare notes and see what makes the most sense [influenced by].”
  • “I think I’ve come up with the perfect solution to the damage caused, when that big maple tree fell [influence]. You always have great ideas too so I thought we could use mine as a jumping off point and work out something even better, together [influenced by].”

Messy Conversations

It can be difficult to move through messy conversations while maintaining a healthy level of respect for yourself and for the other person. Try sharing your thoughts and then listening deeply to what they’re saying.

  • “We both have some strong opinions about how to use our tax return money this year. What if we each take a few minutes to write down the benefits and concerns for each idea, and then, work on a solution that we both feel good about [influence and influenced by].”
  • “Can we pause and restart this conversation? It feels like we’ve gotten off course and are not listening to each other. I’d love for us to both share the original issue we were discussing, and try to remain curious and open about the other person’s experience [influence and influenced by].”

As we mentioned last week, the goal is to share your best and to encourage others to share their best.

Influence and be influenced by.

When people feel that their voice and input matters to you, they’ll be more engaged and motivated = deeper connections.

Consider what influencing others and allowing others to influence you could look like, in your personal life.

Let us know how it goes!

Stay tuned for our post next week when we’ll support you in putting reciprocal influence into action.

If you’d like support
influencing your world or
allowing your world to influence you,
contact us today.