Giving Feedback Well

Last month, we discussed the importance of remaining curious and open when Receiving Feedback.

Today, we’d like to the discuss how to give feedback in a way that leaves people believing that they matter. In order to do this, it’s important to understand the person you’re giving feedback to.

How do they like to receive feedback?
What’s their communication style?
What motivates them to do a great job?

Whenever possible, don’t wait for the feedback meeting to learn these things. Knowing this type of information before you head into a feedback meeting, can be helpful.

Remember, leadership is a willingness to influence your world and be influenced by your world. This is one place where you can influence and listen deeply in dialogue, to be influenced by.

Similar to receiving feedback, providing feedback doesn’t just happen in the feedback meeting itself. In order to show up as a leader, it’s important to consider these four stages:

• Prepare for the feedback meeting. It’s important to plan for the feedback meeting and think about how you want to show up, what reactions you may have, and how you can remember to stay objective and thoughtful. Have specific examples ready, know what you want to say, and think about how you want to honor the person who will be receiving the feedback. Then, actively listen as you give them space to provide you with their thoughts. If s/he is an introverted thinker, they may not feel comfortable providing you with their thoughts yet…this is why the follow up is important!
• Remain thoughtful in the feedback meeting. Remind yourself of your goals and how you want to show up in this meeting. In order for you to have influence, it’s important to remain as objective as possible. Focus on the problem versus attacking the person. Clear is kind.
• Prepare for the follow-up meeting. Reflect on how you showed up, how your feedback was received, and whether there are any additional examples/scenarios that they requested. Again, planning ahead and making notes about what you want to discuss can be helpful.
• Remain curious in the follow-up meeting. Sometimes, no matter how well you give feedback, the listener is angry, hurt, and defensive. Remember, they’re human. It’s important to remain respectful, listen to their concerns, remind them of the effect their behavior is having on the team, and discuss what the new behavior could look like. Influence them and allow them to influence you.

We encourage you to practice giving feedback, as it will make you stand out among your peers.

Giving feedback effectively,
has the potential to
leave the listener feeling valued and respected.

With time and practice, you can become very skilled at helping people understand the impact of their behavior.